Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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