How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
