Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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