Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
