True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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