I accidentally burped into my bong.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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