Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
whose parrot is this?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
