Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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