i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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