Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
