she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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