This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
