I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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