I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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