Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
