I heard we made out
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
only you would photoshop your dick
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
