After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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