Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
