A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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