Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
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Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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