If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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