Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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