I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
