would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
