Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
