How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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