Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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