Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize