I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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