I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
