You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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