When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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