Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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