I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
