This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
