she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
