One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
