it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
