anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
