The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
