So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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