I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
