i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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