do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
