apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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