last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize