What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Text me some of your sweat
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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