if you like me you must not know who I am
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
