Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize