So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
