And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
