A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
