apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
