just tell him i said nine months
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
