i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
