Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
