he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Welp...herpes.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
