This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
