i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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