I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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