Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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